When Someone Wants To Move

There comes a moment in everyone’s life when you leave the nest. When you leave your childhood home, alone or together with someone. Either way, you most likely won’t live in the same house your whole life. Maybe your parents’ gets a divorce, and you move away with one or both parents. Maybe you leave for collage, or university, or just getting out of there and stating your own life. Maybe you move out with a ring around your finger. Or in my case, your parents decide that they’re tired of lawn mowing and trimming hedges.

No, I am not happy about their decisions. In fact I hate it. I want to stay here, here where I feel safe. Here where I got to know all my friends. In the living room where I used to watch SpongeBob square pants, and later watching MTV for just a few minutes before leaving for school. In my two bedrooms where I as a little girl “played” music with my friends, or danced around the room singing early Maria Mena lyrics phonetically correct. And in the bedroom where I later learned to actually play guitar, and dace around singing Taylor Swift lyrics perfectly correct. The staircase where I got my first kiss, the bathroom with perfect acoustics to help me practice my singing.

Another reason not to leave is the fact that over the last 13 years or so we’ve kept renovating every single room in the house. Everything is never perfect. Because when we’ve gotten to the last room my dad says it’s been such a long time since the first room was renovated so he starts over. I mean, yes, it was a relief to get rid of the yellow walls and the green couch in the living room. But when I had finally gotten my parents to agree to paint my room yellow, they decide that they shall sleep there and that meant painting it white. And we all know perfectly well that even though the new apartment is perfect there is always something that need to be renovated. Oh yes, I said apartment. They want to move me into an apartment building! Now when I’m a teenager and probably at my loudest they decide to move me in to a building with many other people. Great. Everyone will hear me singing in the shower, out of the shower, and I will probably stop singing again! I don’t know if I can handle that right now. Yes it sounds silly, but guitar and singing is all I’ve got now because I can’t train. I am just devastated. It’s not like they haven’t mentioned it before, but last time it ended up with them renovating one of the bathrooms. So why move out under a year after building the dream bathroom? How far do you think they would go to prove they love me?

“How do I lie awake now, when I know I’ve got to be moving on? How do I lie awake now, when nothing’s right and nothing’s wrong?” Lie Awake – Alison Krauss And The Union Station (Paper Airplane – 2011)

Sex And The City

Once upon a time… I was at home, sick. I decided I would have a pause from my CSI marathon watching, because after all I had come to season 7! And I decided to start watching the first season of Sex And The City. I could immediately hear women’s voices in my head discussing over the show, “You are so a Miranda!” “Oh, no you’re a Charlotte, aren’t you?” I must confess I cheated a bit, I have seen the movies and the occasionally episode on TV. But now I can’t stop hearing my thoughts read out by Sarah Jessica Parker, or Carrie, what ever you prefer.

Even though I my self am a teenager, I somehow relate to the thirty-something women. After all, no matter what age, we all search after that boy, that guy or that man. And we all know the stereotypes. We all know the situations, maybe not the exact same but more or less. And we all have that one thing in common: unlucky in love. Am I right? Well, not everyone. But that’s the purpose of the series, to show women everywhere, in any age, that they are not alone. That is also the main occupation of the main character, Carrie.

The series just proves one thing: women sells best. When the series were at it’s highest thousands – or maybe millions – of women gathered in front of the TV to watch the miserable women of Manhattan search for their one and only, or one time thing in some cases. The women would then pick up the phone and talk it all out with their friends. They would meet in coffeehouses the next day, or simply just chat it out at work. Either way, everyone watched Sex And The City. Well, maybe not everyone, but close. The series isn’t that much of a hit anymore, but as I mentioned the movies are. And thousands – or millions – of teenage girls sets the DVD in the player and have a real girls night watching the now forty-something women travel the world. And once again you can hear the streets, no walls – more specifically: facebook walls – fill up with the same sentences, “Oh you are such a Carrie, and you know it!” Oh yes, times have not changed as much as we thought they had. And I’m still in bed anxious to see the next episode of the thirty-something women’s next adventures… And they all lived happily ever after?

“Daydreamer. Sitting on the seat, soaking up the sun. He is a real lover. Of making up the past and feeling up his girl, like he’s never felt her figure before.” Daydreamer – Adele (19 – 2008)

Take A Deep Breath And Smile

Right now I am in a state of mind where I am angry at someone for making me smile, ready for REAL school (not just information and research school) and ready for uphill battle climbing. That is SO not typical me!

It confuses me that I am stepping out of my comfort zone and typicality. It is positive, but it scares me. I know myself well enough to know that I can’t handle all of this at once, but I’m hoping this is a chance for me to prove that I can! I can handle the responsibility, I can handle the pressure and I can succeed.

I try to find something positive in everything, but it’s easier to tell others what is positive in their problems than find them in my own. Sitting at school being super bored and trying to teach myself something useful instead of doing nothing. This is wrong because I should be doing what the teacher tells me to do. Don’t get me wrong, I do what I’m told, I just don’t do it as well as I could.

The upside to this “situation” is that I am not using all my energy contemplating about boys. For some reason that takes a lot of energy. Boys, boys, boys. For teenage girls they are like a crossword puzzle, we put in one word after the other and when we think we got it right we figure out that everything is wrong and we got to start all over again. This isn’t anything to complain about, but it takes up so much of our thoughts that in my case I get exhausted!

Surround yourself with positive things, people and thoughts (!) and everything is easier to handle, believe it or not.

“I won’t let the negativity turn me into my enemy, promise to myself that I won’t let it get the best of me. That’s how I want to be.” Think Good Thoughts – Colbie Caillat (All Of You – 2011)

From This Moment On

I read Shania Twains self-biography From This Moment On while on vacation. I would strongly recommend her fans, book lovers and pretty much just anyone who is interested in learning something to read the book.

I am a huge fan of Shania’s music, or Eileen, and reading her life story just made me appreciate her music even more. I see a lot of my self in Shania, but even more; I see a lot of Taylor Swift in Shania. This makes sense seeing that Shania is, probably, Taylor’s biggest inspiration.

Shania definitely has not lived an easy life. She was born into a violent and rather poor family. She had to take much of her mothers’ role in the family at an early age, and this shaped the woman that she is today. Shania truly opens up in her book and explains her pain during her childhood, how she coped when her parents died, how exhausted she was during endless tours and how she broke down when her (ex-) husband cheated on her with her best friend. Shania describes the effort she put in her “perfect appearance” and the struggles to let it go and show vulnerability.

At the end of her book Shania writes about how she views herself and how she compares herself with other, younger women. I believe practically every girl or woman out there does this, we compare ourselves to those we know are prettier than us. It’s a stupid thing to do really.

After all of Shania’s uphill battles, and after all the climbing, she found her place and her happiness. I don’t know what to say, Shania just opens up and let everyone in on what she’s been up to and why she is the person she is today. An above it all: the book has a happy ending!

“From this moment, life has begun. From this moment, you are the one.  Right beside you is where I belong, from this moment on.” From This Moment On – Shania Twain (Come On Over – 1997)

Pray For Norway

This Thursday, 22nd of July, Norway faced one of the most horrible days since the Second World War. The day started as any other day: people went to work, to town, to festivals, starred at the TV to see who would win the Tour de France lap and got ready to travel away form the rain. When the clock was about 15.20 the horrible day started. A bomb went off. The bomb was placed outside of the Prime ministers office. The bomb set marks in a huge area in Oslo. Norway was in shock: a terror attack in Norway, the land who’s known to make peace.

About two hours later a policeman stepped on a little island where a labor youth camp held place. He gathered people in the main house and said he was there to talk about the bombs in Oslo. The policeman was armed and soon started to shoot the teenagers and adults at the camp. He was not a real policeman. He was a fraud.

It took the police about an hour to gather forces, arm up and save the kids. When the police found the man he gave himself up and got arrested. The fake policeman was also responsible for the bombing.

That one Norwegian man killed over 70 people in just a few hours, most of the people he killed were under the age of 25 years. The 22nd of July was a black day in Norway. And the 22nd of July 2011 will always be a black day in Norwegian history.

“Cause you’ve started a war that shouldn’t be, fighting an imaginary enemy. And you say you do this for the nation’s sake, so is killing the best you can do.” For The Nation – Ida Jenshus (Color Of The Sun – 2008)

My heart is with everyone who lost a family member or friend in Norway because of this. “Today we are all Norwegian. Idag er vi alle AUFere.”
Pray For Norway.

The Sun Will Always Shine After The Storm

I can’t stand being confused and insecure. I go back and forth inside my head. Thinking about all possible outcomes of whatever the situation. I swear one day my head will explode form over thinking.

A confused teenage girl is not the best thing in the world. Personally I have a feeling that everything I do is wrong. I take hours just to figure out whether I am happy or sad. I’m super tired of not knowing everything. I wish I could adapt Einstein’s brain and be super smart, at least then I wouldn’t have to be concerned about school and grades. It’s just a phase, right? So one day everything will be clear again, I hope.

I’ve got everything coming my way lately: new CDs, summer vacation soon here, some extra days off at school and the sun is reported to shine very soon. I’ve got plenty of time to work on my guitar and photography skills, even tough I doubt I will get any better. Hoping for a great summer, and less confusion!

“I’m finally broken, falling too far, burned up in pieces from chasing your stars. With twilight approaching all that I’ve seen, I could never get over what you’ve done to me.” NEEDTOBREATHE – What You’ve Done To Me (The Outsiders – 2009)

I’ll Be The Judge of That

Where does the line between real and fake go? If you don’t talk you’re fake, if you do talk you’re fake. It seems like in this world we just can’t win.

I’m watching Top Model as I’m writing this, and every season they seem to pick one girl who is fake. We only get a limited perspective of the case though. But it seems we as humans judge the book when we see the title of the book. They always say “Don’t judge the book by its cover!” but for Gods sake don’t judge the book by the title. All in all: it’s better to not judge at all.

I can’t say I don’t judge, because I do. However I can say that it’s not a good thing to judge. I try my best to not judge, and at least give a person a chance before I judge. It’s hard not to judge because it’s in our nature. But according to the scientists it’s in our nature to kill as well, and most of us doesn’t go around killing people everyday.

“I’m just a girl, all pretty and petite. So don’t let me have any rights!” No Doubt – Just a Girl (Tragic Kingdom – 1995)

Those Sweet Six Strings

I love my guitar. I love to sit down and play for myself. I like the way the guitar sounds. They say a piano keys sounds like a million colors even though they are only black and white. But the six strings on a guitar can make just the same wonders, and it’s easier to carry around!

A song with only a guitar can be the most beautiful song you’ve ever heard. I’m not saying that a piano song can’t, I love the piano too – I do! But there’s something about the guitar, the six strings of steel. They can sound like velvet if you play them right. They can portray the greatest of pain, and the most joyful tunes.

I’m sitting in the bed listening to a great CD packed with great use of guitars. The guitar fills the songs so beautifully it’s a joy to even hear the heartbreaking pain in some of the songs.

Music was made to enjoy. To show emotion. To feel the emotion. Taylor Swift once said, “When a song describes a feeling you can’t explain yourself, it becomes your favorite song.” I agree with her. And we know that if a songwriter put their heart in the song the song becomes more relatable, and this only proves Taylors saying. Taylor herself writes with more than just her heart, she writes with her memory. She writes thing exactly how they where: what the clock was, where it happened, what color his eyes where, what he made her feel and even his name. Some people don’t like Taylor and that’s okay, but no one can say that she doesn’t write her heart out in a song.

“On a tank of gas and an empty heart, But I’ve got everything I’ll ever need. I got this old guitar and a brand new set of strings.” Miranda Lambert – New Strings (Kerosene – 2005)

Love, Don’t Lie

Right now I’ve got three words written on my hand: Love, don’t lie. It’s there to remember me not to lie. I don’t do it often, but when I occasionally lie I feel horrible afterwards. Especially if it’s something big, not the normal “Ops, sorry I forgot it” or “Really, I didn’t see that there!” because they’re not really harmful.

I’m usually good at keeping promises, but recently I broke one. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I needed to know the truth! One good thing came out of it all: I learned the hard way that most promises are worth holding. I knew it before as well, but it was a great reminder.

Truth is that we hear lies every day without realizing. We read them in the newspaper, on the Internet and see them on the television. We hear them on the radio and from our friends. We have to learn how to be critical to what we hear. We have to learn how to be critical to our sources. Many teenagers live in the belief that everything found on the Internet is true, and this shows if you deliver an essay saying that Martin Luther King Jr. was the biggest racist ever born.

These lies are a bit different than a broken promise, but everyone starts one place right? A broken promise may not be the biggest thing in the world, but cheating on a test is kind of a broken promise isn’t it? You promise your teacher that you will not cheat, if you do so you broke a promise. In which case the consequence may be that you fail the test, a broken promise to a friend may end the friendship or just some silent nights.

I don’t know how I ended up rambling way out of subject, maybe it’s because it’s late. I don’t know, and I apologize. Just remind yourself not to lie and don’t break promises!

“I’m screaming, he’s talking over. I’ve asked him twice, says he don’t know her.” Cheryl Cole ft. August – Better To Lie (Messy Little Raindrops – 2010)

Almost Bulletproof

Who decides what cheating is? Some define it as a kiss; others say it’s when you sleep with another person. But doesn’t it feel like cheating when someone is together with you and they have feeling for someone else?

I have one rule when it comes to relationships: if I like someone else I tell the guy I’m in a relationship with and break up (unless he refuses for some reason of course). I don’t have the heart to lie to a boy saying that I have feelings for him, when in fact my heart belongs to someone else. I could never kiss someone, and far from sleep with someone. And when the guy you’re “dating” knows this about you, wouldn’t the same rules apply to him as well? Maybe not, but it would be nice to know. Wouldn’t it?

Apparently I’ve been lied to for quite some time. Correction: almost trough the whole relationship. I did realize something was off, but I didn’t have proof. Now, some months after it ended I hear about it. I don’t really care: I’m over him. But I am a bit angry because I could never do that to him, and he knew that. I feel as if guys just use my trust to have “fun”. It hurts. Not because I love him, but because I put my trust in the wrong guy and believed his lies.

It’s all in the past and doesn’t really matter, but guys should know by now: a woman/girl always knows. We may not be bulletproof, but we know when something is off. Still we stick with him and tell ourselves that it will end and he will come to realize that we love him. He knows we will never leave and uses it to it’s full potential, until one day we leave. Yes, we’re brave when we want to be.

But boys: don’t, ‘cause she will know!

“Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats!” Carrie Underwood – Before He Cheats (Some Hearts – 2005)